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Breaking free from a controlling relationship
is never easy but it is essential to you becoming the person God meant you to be.
You might be saying I don’t think they are controlling it’s just that they love me too much.
Take a look at some signs of control and manipulation.
Does your partner or parent:
Embarrass or make fun of you in front of your friends or family?
Put down your accomplishments or discourage your goals?
Make you feel like you are unable to make decisions?
Use intimidation, guilt, or threats to gain compliance?
Tell you what you can and cannot wear or how to do your hair?
Tell you that you are nothing without them and if you leave them you will not make it?
Treat you roughly without your consent – grab, push, yell, pinch, shove, hold you down or hit you?
Call you several times a night or show up to make sure you are where you said you would be?
Use drugs or alcohol as an excuse for saying hurtful things or abusing you?
Blame you for how they feel or act, like It’s because of you I am doing this?
Tell you God wont bless you if you don’t do things their way?
Pressure you sexually for things you aren’t ready for saying, if you really loved me you would…?
Make you feel like there “is no way out” of the relationship?
Prevent you from doing things you want – like spending time with YOUR friends or family?
Try to keep you from leaving after a fight or leave you somewhere after a fight to “teach you a lesson”?
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Do you:
Sometimes feel scared of how your partner or parent will act, or react if you don’t do what they want?
Feel responsible for their feelings?
Constantly make excuses to other people for their selfish and horrible behavior?
Believe that you can help them change, or improve the relationship, if only you changed something about yourself?
Try not to do anything that would cause conflict, make them angry, or upset because you know the outcome?
Feel like no matter what you do, they are never happy with you?
Always do what they want you to do instead of what you want?
Stay with them because you are afraid of what they would do if you broke up with them?
If you see yourself in these examples then, it is vital that you make the decision to break free emotionally and physically.
You can’t change that person, it’s more than likely they came from the same situation and they have even spoke this: “I never want to be like the ones who abused and controlled me”. But if they never got counseling that would help them be set free from that abuse they will more than likely be doing the same thing to you. The controller would have to want to change how they act and learn a new behavior to actually change.
The only way to move out of this un-Godly cycle is to break emotional ties and establish a new type of relationship with them on your terms. Wether it is a parent or partner you have to value your life, your safety and the quality of life you will have in the future.
To break free you have to not allow their actions and opinions to have emotional impact on you. It’s more than likely that that person is helping you out financially but, remember that nothing that is given to you is without control strings attached to it.
Even if you choose to move on or as a adult move out of the home they will react against it saying things like :
If you do this don’t come running back to me.
I will never talk to you again, you are nothing to me now.
You will never be blessed (using a God factor against you when God is always for you and never has strings attached).
You have broke my heart how could you do this to me and when I did everything for you.. Putting guilt on you.
All these horrible words will hurt deep and make you question your actions but, you are your own person and free to do what you want to do in life. If you make wrong choices than God will redirect you through His Spirit speaking to your heart. God does not need a mediator.
The only way they will trust you and give you respect is if you start standing up for yourself and make your own decisions in life.
You don’t need to argue or compromise you just need to act on your choices.
Stop living in fear of them not loving you anymore or from them cutting you off.
Stop lying to them just to please them not for their sake but for yours. Lying to them is just a way of avoiding their judgement and controlling influence but it undermines your integrity and courage.
When you break those emotional attachments to what they think of you then their influence is lessened.
Most people stay in an abusive controlling relationship because they aren’t prepared to face the truth that you are strong enough to make it in your own. I have spoke to many people and have experienced it in my own life that “you are strong enough and valued enough to be set free” but you need to make the first step.
Take responsibility for your own life. Stop thinking that you can’t do this on your own and yes you might have to change some things in your lifestyle (spending habits) to live in your means but… To live a stress less life free from control and abuse is totally liberating.
Most people that have control issues…. Do not trust!
Mostly because they have done bad things in their past they assume you will do the same. They have never received help as they were controlled and abused them selves so now they are trying to control your life.
But you are not them… You can transcend the cycle of control rather than perpetuate it.
When you are under control of someone you love or loved you will find yourself being angry and acting out that anger in ways that you will regret so for your own sake you need to break free. If the abuse has come to the level of you acting out badly ( drugs, anger, alcohol and sex) then those are signs that you need to get professional help. Allow yourself to express all your feelings to an outsider that is a certified therapist.
God has made you free, but only you can decide to be free by your actions. Stop going round and round and never getting anywhere, it’s time to grow up and take charge of your future . Stop being a victim and become a victor and live your own life!
Say with me I am an intelligent person and capable of making my own decisions without feeling guilty about doing so.
I have the right to live my own life and handle my mistakes because if I fail, I will fail forward.
Today I break that cycle of abuse and control over my life and my children’s life. I break that curse of me repeating this on my own children.
I pray today that if you are in this situation that you will not wait a moment longer to get yourself help. The longer you wait the harder it is to be free from this slavery.
Please find help and save yourself any future pain or trouble.
Prayers of strength and courage to all of you in this situation and kudos to all of you that are now victorious and willing to help others see the light!
Be beautiful the way God intended you to be!